64 Yarns for my 64th Birthday
I challenged myself to dive into my life and come up with something notable from each of my trips around the sun. For some years, it was hard to pick which facts to mention. Other years, I had to pull out a journal or check the internet for what happened that year to jog my memory.
I’m not sure it was worth the effort, but here we go:
July 1959 -June 1960 Mother gave birth to me in her 39th year. I was her fourth pregnancy and her third child, dad’s firstborn. I’m told I had a thyroid issue that made me tubby and had to go on meds to slim down.
1960-1 Two life events affect the rest of my days:
My sister Edie arrives. I’m told my first response on seeing her was a frown and “ew.” I must have expected the pretty little doll she would become.
Thinking I would enjoy watching the men jackhammering our street, Mother left me in my playpen on the front porch. When she returned, I was covered in blood having tried to escape by clawing at our houses’ siding. She couldn’t hear me scream over the jackhammers. I had to be put on tranquilizers for months. Any activity that made a loud noise, like vacuuming, had to be done while I was out of the house. Ever since, I experience panic when locked in (e.g., elevators and airplanes).
1961-2 brought the first world event I consciously remember—the Cuban missile crisis. I don’t remember the actual crisis. What I remember is that the adults in my house were anxious about something that was on the TV, and that they watched it a lot.
1962-3 Four little girls in Birmingham are killed by a terrorist who bombed their church. I didn’t understand their church was targeted because they were black. I felt sad that they were killed because they loved Jesus and went to Sunday school like I did.
1963-4 I Want to Hold Your Hand becomes one of my favorite songs. Mother thinks the singers all need haircuts.
1964-5 I’m a big girl now. I go to kindergarten every morning. Mrs. Heuer is my teacher. Our room has a sandbox and a play kitchen.
1965-6 On to Mrs. Bush for first grade. I make a social mistake I’ve only recently forgiven myself for (do I have a problem with guilt?). Kevin Cooney suggested we all pitch in for Mrs. Bush’s birthday. We surprise her with a cake which my dad picked up at the bakery. When Mrs. Bush thanks us, I proclaim, “It was all my idea!” The whole class corrected me, explaining in indignant tones that Kevin deserved the credit I tried to steal. Sorry Kevin. I don’t know what made me do it.
1966-7 My brother, Randy, marries his high school sweetheart and moves out to live with her in a flat above her parents’. I’m devastated that I wasn’t chosen to be the flower girl and more devastated that Randy doesn’t live with us anymore.
1967-8 Miss Butler, our wonderful 3rd grade teacher is laid off when the millage fails. Inspired by events in the news, we hold a protest march (recounted in detail in my post, Resilience). Our expression of free speech was not well received.
1968-9 Weighing in at over nine pounds, my niece, Wendy, arrives. This goes a long way toward making up for my brother’s departure from my house. I love my little pooh-baby.
1969-70 I lose time, disappearing from my life and coming back into it days or weeks later. While I’m gone, no one notices a difference, so the substitute me must act just like me. This coping mechanism lasts a few years.
1970-1 I get the lead female role in the school Christmas play. I’m supposed to kiss the male lead in the final scene. During rehearsals we refuse to kiss, promising to do so during the performance. We broke our promise.
1971-2 Mrs. Sahulka shames me regularly in front of the whole class—multiple times for having used tissues in my desk (which she inspected while we were out of the room, something I found an unjust violation of my privacy), once for wearing a miniskirt (it was crepe florescent orange with a matching vest and multi-colored psychedelic blouse), and once for wearing slacks (the first year girls in River Rouge Public Schools were allowed to do so).
1972-3 Off to high school (which started in 8th grade in River Rouge). I go from being a big fish in a small pond to a minnow in a big lake. My civics teacher (a class where I’m the only girl) raises concerns with Mother on parent-teacher conference day. He tells her I never open my mouth. She can’t believe this since I talk her ear off once I get home. Also of note, I start going steady with GB.
1973-4 Debbie Neithammer and I paint the backdrop for the high school play for the second year in a row. This year, I designed the background of distant mountains. My nephew Kevin is born in December.
1974-5 GB cheats on me, graduates, we break up, he joins the army. I foolishly get back together with him after basic training. He starts hounding me to elope to Kentucky (where you only needed to be 14 to marry without parental permission) then join him in Augsburg, Germany where we would live oh so happily in military housing (we did NOT elope, I did not go to Germany).
1975-6 My depression reaches a suicidal level for the first time. I plan to jump off the Ambassador Bridge on February 29th. My friend June rescues me, taking me under her wing.
1976-7 I graduate from high school, third in my class. Mother is sorely disappointed, saying how proud she’d have been if I’d tried a just little harder and been the valedictorian.
1977-8 Two months after graduating, I walk down the aisle with GB. Mother says she will not attend the wedding, not watch me throw away my life. At the eleventh hour, she changes her mind and takes over planning the reception, getting her friends to pitch in and make the dinner for our 200 guests.
1978-9 GB and I don’t renew our apartment lease. We pack up our furniture. I quit my job at AAA. We head west with a plan to wander, camp, and hike for a couple of months. The plan falls apart when GB gets invited to interview with the River Rouge Police Department. We are home (and homeless) in two weeks. We take up residence at my in-laws for a couple of months, then in an apartment complex. He didn’t get the job. I went back to AAA.
1979-80 GB gets arrested. I said if he carried out his illegal plans I’d leave him, but I don’t right away. When I finally leave, Mother wants to know why I didn’t tell her what was happening. “Because I didn’t want to hear you tell me, ‘I told you so.’” She says, “I told you you were making a mistake.” Sigh. Nonetheless, Mother and I start to talk and I get to know her more as a person than as just my mother.
1980-1 Hubby and I tie the knot. My conservative Mother startles me when she asks, “Why couldn’t you just live together?” A few months later, I walk down the aisle again, this time as my best friend Pamela’s maid of honor.
1981-2 I take up weaving and mental health therapy (about time!). My therapist, Dr. Moriarty, is across the street from my dentist, Dr. Watson (hee hee hee).
1982-3 I switch from working as the bookkeeper at Art Works to their typesetter and proofreader. And I get pregnant, something multiple docs had said could never happen.
1983-4 One day late, on July 19, my son takes his first breath. Nursing gives me a respite from depression. I’m successful at nursing despite all the criticism from Mother and my in-laws for choosing this path.
1984-5 I feel like I spend the whole year following my toddler so he doesn’t toddle his head into bricks.
1985-6 Mother unexpectedly dies on March 4th from a heart attack. My world is turned upside down.
1986-7 My grief for Mother surges with the end-of-year holidays. In February, I come close to suicide again. Hubby struggles to understand. Dr. Moriarty helps me find my way.
1987-8 We consider buying a duplex with my mother-in-law. I forget how the deal fell through, but that was likely for the best. I loved mum, but that may have been too close for comfort in the long run.
1988-9 We start fertility treatments in an effort to have another child. I thought PMS was bad, but it is nothing compared to PMS on fertility drugs.
1989-90 On my 30th birthday I receive my acceptance letter from the University of Michigan-Dearborn. A week later I receive bad results from my most recent biopsy. Mother took DES when she was pregnant with me, resulting in abnormal cells in my cervix. I start college uncertain what the future holds.
1990-1 First treatment for the bad cells didn’t work, so I’m back in the operating room.
1991-2 I get the all clear on my cervix and hop the fertility drug roller coaster again (never had that 2nd child).
1992-3 We move from our flat in Wyandotte to a bigger house and yard in the country.
1993-4 After 13 years, I resign from Art Works. It’s time for me to go but that’s not why I resigned. The owner insulted my integrity and I said, “I’m out of here.” That very day.
1994-5 My second niece arrives and I graduate after a great senior year with a 4.0 GPA, and as the Philosophy Honor Student.
1995-6 I spend the academic year teaching Introduction to Philosophy at UM-Dearborn. It is weird being called “professor.” This is where I got my start in public speaking. It felt very challenging at the beginning but it became my strong suit, not what one would expect from a shy introvert. What many don’t realize is that the scripted nature of the activity takes away the aspects of social interaction that otherwise terrify me. I knew exactly what my role was (and I knew my material inside and out).
1996-7 I start grad school at Michigan State University. I’d not been feeling well in the spring but adrenaline got me to the end of the semester. After turning in the final papers I graded as a TA, I return home with a fever of 103. The first doctor I saw said I had the flu and I was having a bad period. Two days later I was hospitalized for eight days with a pelvic abscess. I missed parent orientation at my son’s high school. It takes two years to recover.
1997-8 Too weak to return to grad school, I try substitute teaching. I catch everything. After getting pneumonia, I stop subbing.
1998-9 I start a novel called, The Demon in the Laundry Room. My friend Sue and niece, Wendy, and a few others read drafts of really bad writing. God bless them. (I recently started re-writing it, as I think the core idea is still good.)
1999-2000 My son turns 16—we head west and he gets lots of practice driving (where it is flat). We camped at Mesa Verde, the Grand Canyon, Arches, and Zion National Parks, and Bryce Canyon. Hiking “The Narrows” and other places showed me I was capable of more than I imagined.
2000-1 Sue and I spend lots of time making jewelry, ceramics, and knitting. Well, she knits and I make yarn messes.
2001-2 A year of major changes. My son heads off to college. I get a job at the University of Michigan Medical School. After months of treating my sister, Louise, for acid reflux, her doctor finally orders x-rays and finds she has a tumor in her lung. My new job connects me with some of the best oncologists in the world who start treating her.
2002-3 Dad dies, lifting a giant weight off of me.
2003-4 My sister dies; I didn’t expect to miss her as much as I did. For months I pick up the phone to call her as if she were there.
2004-5 My niece Wendy moves to Georgia with my grand-nieces and my heart breaks even though I understand why the move had to be made.
2005-6 I finish creating a beautiful garden in memory of my sister, a large-size version of her postage stamp garden.
2006-7 At a time when our empty-nester friends are thinking of downsizing, we move to a four-bedroom home on five acres. Our son was living with us when we moved. He, his wife, my mother-in-law, and my niece come and go through the years, as do many visitors and dogs.
2007-8 Work is stressful, working too many hours, my brain is misbehaving. I seem to have lost all the good endorphins.
2008-9 Darkest days of depression yet (and I hope ever). Suicidal again, I end up in the hospital for a week.
2009-10 My son is arrested while protesting at the G-20 Conference in Pittsburgh. The outrageous actions of the police, their use of tear gas, bean bag rounds, pepper spray, and arrests of peaceful protesters barely gets a mention in the news.
2010-11 Even though I love my job, I move to a different office at the Med School because of the boss from hell. She didn’t abuse me, but everyday someone was in my cube crying.
2011-12 My son marries. My niece moves in, living with us during the school year and with her parents in the summer. In February, I fall ill with diverticulitis. I’m in and out of the hospital, home with a PICC line, back in the hospital. Finally, I have a colostomy with lots of complications. Hubby, whose historically been very squeamish, overcomes it all to become the best nurse ever (I couldn’t have survived without him).
2012-13 My daughter-in-law gets her white coat—officially a PA! My niece graduates and moves to her boyfriend’s. The colostomy is reversed. From the beginning of the illness to the end, when all the hospital days are added up, I spent 77 days there, the longest single stay being just over two weeks.
2013-14 We take our first vacation since “the big sick.” We meet up with the family in Asheville, NC, then go camping on Cape Hatteras. It feels good to be back in the world.
2014-15 I decide to write a screenplay about the murder of my aunt Lorraine. Researching her leads to an addiction to genealogy.
2015-16 Another big year. My grandson arrives in December. My sister, Edie, dies in April.
2016-17 I love cuddling my grandson. We have a great time together. When he sees me waiting to be let into the apartment building, he jumps for joy in his daddy’s arms. No one has ever expressed this much happiness to see me.
2017-18 After a few weeks, I decide I won’t jinx it if I say out loud that I haven’t been depressed. Weeks turn into months. I realize what life can be without chronic depression. It’s amazing! Everything is easier.
2018-19 Back in the delivery room again to witness the arrival of another grand-niece!
2019-20 I finally finish writing the screenplay about aunt Lorraine.
2020-21 The world shuts down as COVID-19 fills hospitals and morgues with bodies. I start writing this blog.
2021-22 My grandson starts kindergarten with everyone wearing masks all year (I mourn all the smiles he missed). I retire from U of M and start forming a new life.
2022-23 Physical therapy gets me walking without a cane. I try to rescue my garden and pursue new adventures in journaling. There’s more to do than fits in a day. How did I ever have time to have a job?
As John Denver sang, it’s been a good life all and all. Now onto the next year…
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PHOTO CREDITS:
Family photos
